Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
