i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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