We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
