She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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