you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
