Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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