you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
