You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
