it wasn't lemon gatorade
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
