thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
