So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
