Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
