I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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