It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
