my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Houston, we have a blender
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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