just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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