Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
