How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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