At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
