I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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