Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
