my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Randomize
