I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
