I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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