Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
