I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize