you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
