That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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