if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Randomize
