so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
