i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
