My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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