dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize