even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
