I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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