Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
