wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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