i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
