I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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