and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
