Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
