my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
