East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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