Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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