what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
