There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
