I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
