I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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