Why are handjobs necessary in class?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize