What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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