new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
