I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
