when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
