M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
