fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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