There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
