Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
