My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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