I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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