before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
