im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
