I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
