The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
