Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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