If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
