Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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