Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize