my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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