had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
