just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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